Kick it Open - The Muriel Network Podcast
Muriel Siebert, the first woman member of the NYSE, said "When a door is hard to open and nothing else works, sometimes you just have to rear back and kick it open."
Wealth management is at a critical inflection point. Changing demographics are hitting up against traditional, stodgy attitudes and methods, and under-representation by women and people of color. We believe the industry can do better, and that it’s ready to. If you’re seeking hyper-growth, personal success and more fun in your work, this podcast is for you.
In this podcast, you'll hear the stories of advisors who are slaying it, doing things differently, and bringing new energy to their work. Many will be powerhouse women and all will be the proof you need that YOU CAN achieve your ambitions.
After decades of sluggish progress, it's time to kick the door open on advisor success AND the future of wealth management.
About the Host:
Shelby Nicholl is a 25-year corporate vet turned founder. Shelby is a consultant to advisors who are transforming their practices by breaking away to create their own independent practice or RIA, changing custodians, or making any other significant change in their business. She's also the founder of Muriel Network (www.murielnetwork.com), a think tank and digital community for women who work in wealth management.
Kick it Open - The Muriel Network Podcast
Mental Toughness: A Conversation with Dr. Ellen Reed
Is mental toughness the same as confidence? What’s the relationship between visualization, confidence and top performance? Find out in this episode featuring Dr. Ellen Reed interviewed by Kick It Open host Shelby Nicholl.
Dr. Reed shares her experiences working with Dr. Jason Selk and how her background in psychology and professional dancing came together in her career. They explore the importance of visualization and mental workouts, specifically the concept of Relentless Solution Focus (RSF). Dr. Reed emphasizes the significant impacts of self-confidence on performance across various fields and how to nurture it through simple, consistent mental exercises. The discussion also touches on overcoming problem-centric thoughts, the biological impacts of optimism, and strategies for maintaining mental resilience.
00:00 Introduction and Welcome
01:39 Ellen's Journey to Mental Toughness
04:03 The Power of Visualization
09:36 Understanding Mental Toughness and Relentless Solution Focus
13:03 Overcoming Problem Centric Thought
25:58 Building Self-Confidence and Success
30:02 Practical Tools for Mental Training
34:16 Closing Thoughts and How to Connect
Produced by Shelby Nicholl. Edited by Aaron Sherman. Marketing by Sabrina Portnoy. Graphic Design by John Gallagher.
Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/ra/let-good-times-roll License code: EV5ON7Y3CSESDSEU
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I am so excited to be joined by Dr Ellen Reed today. Welcome Ellen. Thank you. How did you become a mental toughness expert? What was your personal journey?
Dr. Ellen Reed:So when I was in graduate school, right before I started graduate school, I met my now colleague, Doctor Jason Selk. He was a co-author on Relentless Solution Focus. He's my mentor. And I was so lucky to be, really in the right place at the right time to meet him. I was actually the dance instructor at a gymnastics center where he was volunteering to coach the men's team on the weekends. And so it was right around the time his business was really about to take off because he was starting as the director of sports psychology for the St. Louis Cardinals. And so that was really his big kind of claim to fame, towards the beginning of his career. And so in the meantime, I was studying psychology, super interested in human behavior and human cognition, starting my professional dancing career at that point. And it just felt like the perfect kind of combination of both of my loves. And so I, throughout graduate school, I started working with him. I was really able to have like a front row seat to these fundamentals that he was teaching at the highest level. literally the St. Louis Cardinals, the year he started working with the team, went on to win the World Series for the first time in over like 20 years.
Shelby Nicholl:Oh, wow.
Dr. Ellen Reed:And then when he was, oh my gosh. Yeah. And then when he was still with the team, five years later, four years later, they went on to win another one. So that was, really great again for his career. Really great for me, because he, as he started to get kind of busier, then I would start to be able to take on some of the younger athlete clients in the beginning. And then I got my doctorate. I just continued on that coaching journey. I used to start my day dancing. and then I would rush either to my office or home and throw on my blazer, throw on my earrings and sit down to talk to client. but, as my coaching career has grown and expanded. I decided to retire from dancing a couple years ago to be able to focus full time on coaching. I think it was the combination of, I loved two things that really happened to really feed each other in a really cool way. and I just got really lucky. Yeah. I feel really lucky for that.
Shelby Nicholl:Well, it's really amazing. And I think it's interesting that you talk about it as luck, right? I know visualization is super important in your work and something that you talk about a lot. Did you use visualization techniques as you sort of began that coaching career and then transition to it full time?
Dr. Ellen Reed:Yes. Okay. So I love that question because, as I met Jason again, I was just about starting graduate school. I was just kind of entering into my professional dancing career. but I really needed the stuff that I learned from him and that I now coach others on. I was a very, high achieving, on paper, everything was amazing. but I was very stressed. I was very stressed and anxious. I was, the quintessential perfectionist, which a lot of my clients that I work with now really relate to. it was to the point where. every morning I would wake up before my eyes would even open, my heart would be pounding out of my chest, just with my mind, swirling with Okay, like, what do I have to do today? did I get everything done yesterday? Did I do anything yesterday or say anything that I regret? how's my health? How's my family? Right? Just that kind of laundry list of, like, anxiousness and worries and stress that really just felt so normal to me. It's really the way I lived my life and unfortunately, I talk about this a lot. It is normal You know that way that I used to live and wake up and feel with that stress and anxiety all the time is very normal and Kind of adopting these fundamentals that I now coach others on was such a game changer for me in my life. and visualization is a huge part of that. visualization is something that I teach all of my clients, whether it's an athlete, whether it's a business professional, anyone I'm working with, visualization is one of the first things because it's just so impactful. for somebody that's not super familiar with visualization or hasn't done it. But visualization has very real measurable effects. And the empirical research on this is very clear that it's very impactful. that's one of the things that I did and continue to do, throughout my entire career and I coach others on as well.
Shelby Nicholl:Yeah, I really appreciated that when we spoke before, but what is the difference between. Okay. Like visualization, affirmation, manifestation. Are they all really the same things or are there some unique differences that make maybe visualizing or scripting is another word that is sort of out there right now, too. Are they all the same? What, what's the one I should be doing?
Dr. Ellen Reed:So visualization, the reason that I coach people on visualization and it's so important is that there's just so many benefits for so many different things. So when I'm teaching someone what we call the mental workout, again, this is something that all my clients do, whether it's an athlete, a business professional. Everybody does a daily mental workout and in that mental workout is something called the personal highlight reel, which is just the term that we use for the visualization section.
Shelby Nicholl:You can tell from sports.
Dr. Ellen Reed:Exactly. Exactly. The highlight reel. And so within the personal highlight reel, we really focus on two things. The first of those things being remembering past success. And specifically we visualize past success. So we're literally rehearsing, remembering, visualizing times that we have performed at our best in the past or just things that we want to remember that really impact our self image and self confidence in a positive way. For an athlete, that makes a lot of sense, right? What are your top plays? What are those plays that you want to remind yourself of like, hey, I did that. The impact on self confidence there is really huge. Visualizing that and literally taking yourself through that kind of mental rehearsal in your mind. It's just so much more impactful than just, Oh yeah, I did that. Oh yeah, I did that. Oh yeah, I did that. Right. Just kind of like reminding yourself that you did it. It makes these things stickier. The thing about visualization that's so impactful and I think really important for people to know is that our brains don't do a very good job telling the difference between something that we're visualizing and something that we're actually experiencing. So we can really use this to our advantage to a make things stick really well to our self image and our self confidence, but also to really rehearse the way that we want to perform in the future. And so that's the second piece of that personal highlight reel that all of my clients do is where we visualize, we imagine ourselves performing the way we want to perform in the future. Again, for an athlete, that's kind of a no brainer, right? Like, it makes a lot of sense. See yourself hitting that home run and having those, the exact mechanics that you've been working on that you've been practicing. But where a lot of people, I think, are really missing out is in the business world. in the business world, we're really just very behind the sports world in terms of the importance of mental training. There's no way that you're performing your potential if you're not visualizing on a consistent basis. So we just pack it right there in the mental workout to be done on a daily basis.
Shelby Nicholl:So when you're talking about mental workout, You and Doctor Jason Silk are experts in mental toughness. What are some other terms that you use for that sort of genre of thought?
Dr. Ellen Reed:Yeah, it's funny that you kind of bring up that term because I think for a lot of people that really resonates, and I think for a lot of people, it sounds kind of intimidating, all it is, is the mind's ability to stay focused on solutions, especially in the face of adversity. That's all it is. Another word for mental toughness is relentless solution focus. Relentless Solution Focus is the mind's ability to stay focused on solutions, especially in the face of adversity. That's what we wrote a book about. That's probably the number one most important concept that we teach, is that Relentless Solution Focus. In Relentless Solution Focus, mental toughness are essentially just different terms for optimism. the research on optimism is clear that you probably have heard that optimism is good, right? It's good to be optimistic, but the research on this is so compelling that people with optimism, people with this relentless solution focus are significantly healthier, happier, more successful. They have better friendships, they sleep better. They have significantly less of a chance of getting almost every major disease. And so, Relentless Solution Focus, what makes it a little bit different is that it's a way of teaching optimism. I think we think of optimism as just one of those things that you either have or you don't, right? It's like a, it's a character trait. You either have higher levels of it or less levels of it. But that's just not the case. Anybody can learn to become more optimistic. It's a skill that we can teach just like anything else.
Shelby Nicholl:That is so interesting because you definitely hear about people being more optimistic or less optimistic, right? They'll ask you, are you a pessimist or an optimist, right? It's like we categorize ourselves into one of those boxes, but certainly it's a spectrum naturally. And then what you're saying is we can teach ourselves to slide into the optimism side of that scale and when we do that teaching, we're going to have greater Life outcomes, greater health outcomes, just greater happiness. It sounds like as well is, is that the same as resiliency? What's the difference with resiliency?
Dr. Ellen Reed:Yeah, I think you could make an argument that those are very similar at the very least, just the mind's ability to stay focused on solutions, you know? And I think that resiliency takes. Optimism, right? You have to be able to know that there's a solution. Otherwise, you're just not going to keep going. I get it. So it's funny when I,
Shelby Nicholl:when I heard your books title. Originally, I was thinking, what does this mean? Relentless solution focus. And I guess what you're really saying, and I'm just going to play it back a little bit of what you've said is that. By focusing on the solution, you know that there is a solution and therefore you are optimistic. Yes.
Dr. Ellen Reed:Yes.
Shelby Nicholl:It's not just that you're happy or optimistic for optimism's sake, but it's because you know that there is an underlying solution that will solve whatever that is the challenge that you are facing in your life.
Dr. Ellen Reed:Yes. This isn't just like putting on rose colored glasses, you know, and, and I think that there's been the term like toxic positivity. That's been kind of a buzz topic for a while. it's not just putting your head in the clouds and just kind of la di da your way through life. Right. And this is about forcing your thoughts, training your brain to focus on what's one thing I can do in this situation that could make it better. And if you think about it from an evolutionary perspective, we talk about this a lot in the book, but I think it's really important to kind of have this foundation for the way our brains work. We have something called problem centric thought as humans, where our brains really want to focus in on the problem or our shortcomings. First and foremost, it's just the way we're designed. It's the way we're wired. In terms of our evolutionary history, it was really important because we needed to be really quick at spotting the threat. But now, we live in a time that is statistically the safest time to be alive. And so that problem centric thought that was really important for us as a species now kind of makes us miserable if you think about, your last 24 hours and just think about how many times some self doubt or your shortcomings. Or the problems in your life, or what could potentially go wrong. How often those kinds of thoughts consumed your thoughts. And, most people when they reflect on that, it's really quite staggering. but It's very normal to focus on problems. So if, you're the kind of person who does 99 things right in a day and one thing less than perfectly. You're not broken, you're normal. But again, normal in this case is a really bad thing. Just like the way I used to wake up every morning. Yes, it was normal. But these days, unfortunately, happiness isn't normal. optimism isn't normal. Self confidence isn't normal. What's normal really is to live life in a way where you're experiencing, really high stress, high anxiety, and it really, has its roots in that problem centric thought. And so relentless solution focus, optimism, It's essentially the opposite of PCT. It's the opposite of problem centric thought. Whereas our brain wants to focus on the problem. Now when we're over here thinking about the problem, What actually is the bigger problem is that our bodies are then releasing all of the stress hormones cortisol
Shelby Nicholl:Yes.
Dr. Ellen Reed:This is why that research on like the biological impact of Optimism are so compelling that when you're stressed out of it all the time because of that PCT, that problem centric thought, you have literally like low dose poison coursing through your veins all the time. Cortisol at lower doses is really important for our motivations and like body function, things like that. But most of us are walking around with way too much of it, which is why that optimism kind of the opposite of that excessive cortisol release. Has such an impact on our longevity and on our health, but in order to get our brains off that problem side of things, in order to get our brains away from that PCT, which again is so normal to us, we have to replace it with something.
Shelby Nicholl:Yeah. I want to dial in on that because so you're saying we have problem centric thought. Our thoughts are going to be running all the time. We have to replace it with something. Yes. I think that is such. A an aha for me, and I'm sure it will be for, for others that are listening as well. It's you have to replace the problem centric thought, cause you can't turn off the thinking.
Dr. Ellen Reed:Exactly. Exactly. You can't turn it off. And I think that we've all tried that, right? We've tried to be like, just let it go. if you, you strike, just meditate, think of nothing. Yeah. Don't just blow it up, brush it off. Right. Don't think about it. But you know, this is, I feel like the best example of this is that, when you tell yourself To not think about something, it's literally just like putting a highlighter over it and making you think about it more. it's like the, I think the best way to demonstrate this is to just tell yourself right now, don't think about a pink elephant.
Shelby Nicholl:Right.
Dr. Ellen Reed:You know, telling yourself not to think about that pink elephant is making you think about it more. Yes, so we know we don't want to think this stuff because it's literally making us sick, making us stressed out. It's making us unhappy, making us miserable at a species, which is unfortunately just become very normal for us. So we've got to replace it with something else. We've got to use this concept called thought replacement. So we replace problem centric thought with a question. Now, this question is, called a Relentless Solution Focus Tool, and this tool comes in the form of a question. I think if anybody listening to this takes one thing from this podcast, I want it to be this question. The question is, what's one thing I can do that could make this better? What's one thing I can do that could make this better? That's the RSF tool question. Now, this question is how you replace PCT with RSF. Because the reason that this question is so important is because you're going to go out there and you're going to start trying to be more positive hopefully I've compelled you to, to understand or like to, to think about like, okay, I want to start being more positive. I want to start being more optimistic. And then you're going to get out there and you're going to experience that next problem, right? You're going to get the call from your kid's principal or, whatever else it is that comes at us hard and fast as mom's. And It's going to be way harder than you think it is, right? Because your brain's going to want to swirl with all the things that could potentially go wrong. The reason this question, what's one thing I can do that could make this better. Is so impactful is because there's this thing that happens in our brain when we're asked a question called instinctive elaboration and instinctive elaboration just basically refers to the fact that when we're asked a question, our brains cannot help but only think about the answer to that question. It kind of turns off everything else so that our brain, our whole brain lights up like when you look at it on an MRI when somebody is asked a question, the whole brain lights up because it's thinking about potential answers to that question and again in a situation like when we're experiencing a problem, it's a really good thing to turn off all of our thinking about the potential problem and that PCT tornado that really wants to start swirling by forcing it to think about potential solutions. It's one thing I can do that could make this better.
Shelby Nicholl:What a powerful tool. I'm thinking about some of the women that I know, right? They might be corporate leaders or their financial advisors, right? And they are interacting all the time with stressful situations. Most of us, you know, I definitely am waking up with that list that you mentioned at the beginning. I'm sure my, my cortisol levels are off the chart higher than they should be. and it's so interesting though, that you're just retraining the brain to ask this one question instead of focusing on the problem, we're going to focus on the, what is the one thing I could do to make this better?
Dr. Ellen Reed:Yeah, but I love I love the way you said that in terms of retraining the brain because that's exactly what we have to do. Right? So that's why this mental workout piece is so important because, you know, can't just be a pep talk, right? Our remember our brains are wired to not be good at that. And so in order to literally change our wiring, and that's what we do, that's what we work on. Now my normal is very different than it was 20 years ago, right? Because I've trained my brain on a daily basis, and I continue to. It's just like any muscle, right? If you stop lifting your weight, your muscles are going to atrophy. Our brains have this thing called neuroplasticity, which I'm sure that you've heard of. Neuroplasticity really an amazing thing because it's the brain's ability to mold and rewire itself through training. So, people like to kind of throw out there like, well, I'm just not a morning person, or I've never like followed through with stuff, or I always start a new habit and I get going on it. And then I always let it fall by the wayside or, I've just never been good at this, or I've always been bad at that. Right? The fact of the matter is, you may have always been bad at that, but that doesn't have to be the case going forward because of neuroplasticity. We train our brain to wire in a certain way. it's going to continue to wire in a certain way and it's going to strengthen those connections. So every time you replace that problem centric thought with that RSF question, what's one thing I can do that could make this better? You're strengthening that connection. So over time, it's going to become easier to For your brain to default to that question.
Shelby Nicholl:It's so interesting. You've been teaching this for so long. Does your brain just automatically go there?
Dr. Ellen Reed:Yes and no. Right. I think my baseline is in terms of like an RSF level, right? My baseline is much higher, but higher doesn't mean perfect. I've got two little boys and I talk about this in the book, but, you know, there was a time, especially when I became a new mom, the first couple of years of my oldest son's life, I'd really let myself fall back off track, you know, I'd had a good, number of years where I was like sailing through this RSF thing, and I was coaching people on it every day and, doing my tools, doing my mental workout. And when I became a mom, I kind of stopped doing the tools. I think I just got busy and I just kind of used it as an excuse. And you know how it is like if you miss a workout one day it becomes easier to miss it the next, which then makes it easier to miss it the next. So I'd fallen off track with my mental workout, my success log, which is another thing that we teach. And I just let myself fall into that narrative of, being a mom is just stressful. Mom's just worried that's just part of being a mom, and people would like, don't worry about the fact that you're worried about them. You're going to worry about your kids for as long as you're alive.
Shelby Nicholl:And it's a badge of honor. It is, it is,
Dr. Ellen Reed:it is terrible. And so it is. And I just kind of let myself fall into that. And I remember the moment when I kind of recognized that I was off track and it was really sobering because again, I was teaching this stuff every day, you know, and I was not taking my own medicine, so to speak. And I remember it was bath time and my son was probably like two and I remember I was like on my phone, checking emails, texting people, just kind of like, you know, how it was like, felt pretty normal to me to just be like thinking about work and. Thinking about my next show or whatever. And I just remember in that moment being like, Crap. I don't remember the last time I've done my mental workout. that familiar feeling of like my heart pounding out of my chest, right. When I woke up, had returned. And I just remember thinking like, okay, this is supposed to be like one of the happiest times in my life and I feel stressed and I don't know that I'm fully enjoying it. And, when I reminded myself of like my purpose, that's something that we always talk about with new clients and like got back on track with my mental training, things started to fall back in place. But, I tell that story to make the point that, again, just like lifting the weights in the gym, you know, if you stop lifting the weights, your muscles are going to get weaker. And so this is something that, yes, like, my normal is very different than it was before, but it's still something that I have to work on every day. And there's still times where I lose that battle against PCT, but the key about this, is that I know that I'm at least going to lose that battle better than had I not fought it. You know, RSF doesn't protect you from life's problems. You know, you're still going to get that call from your kid's school, right? You're still going to get that jolt, right? As a mom, like that jolt of anxiety, But what it is going to do, Is it's going to give you the confidence to know that whatever the problem is just going to kick it in its ass, right? Like my older son is eight and we, you know, we had a pretty hard year in second grade and, I had to give myself a lot of, talking to's right. A lot of kind of like pep talks isn't necessarily the word I want to use, but just reminding myself that like, Hey. You know, this is hard, but I can do this and you know, I don't need to worry about the future because I know whatever comes, we are just going to kick it in the rear. And that confidence comes from that relentless solution focus. I don't know what the solution is, but I know there is one. And I know I'm going to find it because I'm going to be relentless about finding it.
Shelby Nicholl:That's super interesting, and I love that relentless word. It's a, I just, it's a persistence. It's an in the optimism that is all kind of wound up into those 3 words. I know that those were picked with such intention. I can only imagine the list of words that you all had been considering over time and one of the things you talk a lot about too, is self confidence and I'm working with a lot of women in particular, right? Women in a very male dominated industry. why is self confidence kind of so important and how do we create it within ourselves? I guess that, that RSF question can help us even in our self confidence.
Dr. Ellen Reed:Totally. But, you know, I think you're right on with your question and that yes, self confidence is so important. In fact, it's the most important. It's the number one variable for all human performance. So almost everything that I do as a coach and everything that I learned from Jason in terms of coaching and what's important to focus on runs through that filter of self confidence and Jason said it like this. And I just this is so impactful to me. That again. The research shows that self confidence is the number one thing that's going to impact how you're going to perform. So why does it make sense to focus on anything else above self confidence, right? And so that's one of those things like when we're visualizing that RSF question, we talk a lot about in the mental workout with like different forms of self talk. We teach something called an identity statement, something called a performance statement for athletes, all things that are designed to help feed that self confidence. Mhm. Because again, remember PCT, problem centric thought, makes us really good at being experts at what we're bad at. And so, we have to actively work on self confidence, and we do that, with a really specific tool called the Success Blog. I do it every day. My clients do it every day. It takes about a minute and we've got to be doing this training every single day and you're right in your industry, you know, working with women, when I've asked some of my, highly successful female clients, you know, what has been the number one obstacle in your career? The number one answer I've gotten has been self-doubt Hmm that that self doubt has been the biggest obstacle for them in their career. you know, we're taught to be humble beyond the effects of that problem centric thought. We're also taught to be humble. combine that with being really good at focusing on what we messed up, right? It's a recipe for really low self confidence. And so, you know, that's number one.
Shelby Nicholl:I talk a lot about that in, in my blogs and writings too, in that, I can remember of course, like everyone, right? Growing up in households, being taught to be humble, not to have an ego. I can remember, my grandfather saying things like, Oh, you got all A's. Well, don't get a big head about it, you know, as if that was actually really possible given, who I am as a person. Sure. Yeah. But it really sticks with you and then you have to overcome it as an adult and deal with sort of double bind and different standards for women and all of the things that we work with and deal with. It's really easy to have such high doubt and to, really have to work on that self confidence. You know, we, it also shows up in, in corporate world as executive presence. It shows up as leadership presence. Um, yeah,
Dr. Ellen Reed:yeah. Well, and One of the things that I feel like I'm in a unique position, with what I do and like who I work with to know about, you know, because the people I work with are typically very high achieving and. They all struggle with it. Right? Like, and I, you know, I, I get messages, I get calls, I get emails from people that on paper, no one would ever think that they struggle with self confidence and that self confidence, that perfectionist mentality, that imposter syndrome is just so normal and common. And it all starts with working on that self confidence. It's really actually very simple to fix, or to work on, you know, and I think that that's the good news. I feel like I've told a lot of bad news today, but this stuff is actually very simple to fix. It's very simple. It's not complicated. It just takes consistency, I want people to walk away from today with that RSF question of what's one thing I can do that could make this better. But in Relentless Solution Focus, we walk you through really simple tools, that RSF tool being one of them, to really work on this stuff. And it takes like three minutes a day. You know, this tool called the Success Blog, and I'll tell you the first question of it, just very simply, write down three things you did well in the last 24 hours. It takes 30 seconds. But if you get in the habit of writing down three things you did well in the last 24 hours, that's a really great starting point to fostering that self confidence. It's so simple. We just don't do it. But if you start doing these things consistently, you're going to start to see really positive results pretty quickly.
Shelby Nicholl:It's super interesting. And when you're seeing consistency, you're meaning every day. That's really what it is. Weekends too?
Dr. Ellen Reed:Say, well, I would say maybe like four or five days a week, you know, I probably, I do my mental workout and success log probably five days a week. for a lot of things, I kind of feel like doing something five days a week is easier than doing it three. Yeah, um, just because you kind of build up that consistency in your routine. Um, but if you're doing it, you know, less than three, four days a week, I think you're really missing out on a lot of the positive effects. But again, it takes the mental workout plus the success blog tool that we teach in total takes about three minutes. that three minutes is going to make the rest of your day, your productivity. Yeah. All the things so much more impactful. And so it's really worth the investment of those three minutes, which is hard to give, right? Three minutes. Sounds like not that big of a deal, but it's hard to commit to. It's hard to get in the routine of doing it. but I like when my clients get to the point where they wouldn't even think about starting their day without doing their mental workout.
Shelby Nicholl:Yeah. So you always do it. Prefer to do it at the start.
Dr. Ellen Reed:Um, well that's a good question. That's one I, that's a question I often get. Especially for, from high achievers who like to make sure they're doing it exactly right. Right? Yes. Which like, that's a, totally a question I would ask too. Um, but the, the right time to do it is just whenever you'll do it consistently. if I'm working with an athlete, I would want him doing it, their mental workout, like within maybe an hour before a game or practice or performance. I do have athletes that it works better for them to do it right before bed. and I do have athletes that it works better for them to do it, like right when they wake up in the morning. It's so much more important that you'll do it at a time where you'll do it consistently. Then to do it at the perfect time. So while that perfect time might be, you know, right before you start your day, if you know that you're going to get into the office and people are going to be coming at you immediately, that's going to give it a high likelihood that you won't be able to do it, then do it at night before bed or do it like in the morning when you're making your coffee.
Shelby Nicholl:Yeah, yeah, I think that's really interesting to pick the right time based on when you're going to be able to give it the focus. That's what I'm hearing.
Dr. Ellen Reed:Yes, exactly.
Shelby Nicholl:But I also think it's so interesting, and it's starting to happen in business is with high performers, believing and treating themselves as athletes. And I think pushing yourself through those mental workouts as you've described here today, having some consistency about your routine, putting your body first, moving your body, et cetera, are all things that obviously athletes do, but so do high performers.
Dr. Ellen Reed:Totally. And you know, it's funny because I work with business professionals. I work with Olympic athletes, professional athletes. I work with college athletes, high school kids. I work with like, I think my youngest client is like eight. But you know, the interesting thing is that the approach is not that different. The things that I'm hearing from my Olympic athletes are the same things that I'm hearing from my 12 year olds, or my business professionals for that matter. these fundamentals of performance and of high performance and of self confidence and optimism, relentless solution focus are very universal. Is that something that might be surprising to people?
Shelby Nicholl:It is surprising. I definitely would have thought there would be some, some scaling differences between, you know, an Olympic athlete and a, and a high performing, but younger athlete as well. It's, it's super interesting. I think you've given us so much to think about. I want to just close out with, with asking you how, how can people find you? How do you engage with clients? what are some ways for people to learn more?
Dr. Ellen Reed:So, um, you can always email me. It's just Ellen at Jason self dot com. but I'm on Instagram. I try to post a lot of value on Instagram. even I've been kind of surprised with how much people are resonating with this. Like perfectionist mentality. And so I really feel like it's a great way for me to get information and help and value out to a lot of people. So I'm just Dr. Ellen Reed on Instagram, Dr. Ellen Reed. another really great way to get access to these fundamentals, The really cost effective way is I do these workshops every once in a while and I do have one coming up. But it's going to be recorded and so you should be able to grab it at any time. but we really set the foundation for this, these fundamentals and we start with some goal setting and purpose and big questions. And we really nail it down to some really specific concrete tools. So that's a great way if you're really looking for kind of that coaching experience beyond reading Relentless Solution Focus, or I'm available for coaching. So, you know, email me, find me on Instagram. I love to hear from you, you know, if you've started implementing some of these tools and, you know, are loving the results or if you have questions, you know, I really try hard not to gatekeep this stuff.
Shelby Nicholl:That's great.
Dr. Ellen Reed:Don't hesitate with questions.
Shelby Nicholl:That is great. I am so grateful for this conversation. I will link to your Instagram link to your book all within the show notes, link out to your website as well. So people can find those. This has just been a lovely conversation, Ellen, and I am so grateful to know you and so grateful for you to have shared these tools with our audience. Thank you so much.
Dr. Ellen Reed:Thank you. And thank you for all you do. It's so valuable to have somebody in your position, you know, advocating for the stuff that women need. Um, and so really thanks for all you do as well.
Shelby Nicholl:Oh, thank you.